Conservative Christian Men and Rage
I sometimes push peoples’ buttons and pull their triggers. I don’t take pleasure from seeing others lose their cool, rather I genuinely want to discuss hot button issues with my peers. I hope for reasoned discussion, but I am often met with RAGE, accusations, rants against the liberal media and politicians, etc. And it seems that the more conservative the person is, the more likely they are to be triggered. In my totally unscientific observations conservative Christian men are the most likely to react with RAGE and RANTS. And they appear to feel righteously justified because I posted something from LA Times, NY Times, CNN, etc. And, of course, those institutions do the handiwork of the Devil. Therefore it is OK to RAGE, RANT, call names, swear, etc. I have one FB friend who consistently reminds me that I am going to hell for raising these questions and issues. Why is that? How do we justify this RAGE? How did it become “sanctified” in Conservative Christian circles?
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31 (ESV)
We are told to put away ALL bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (an apt description for a rant) and slander — Not just some, not just most, but ALL. We’re all in different stages of healing, and growth, so I can’t point a finger, but I have noticed that many Christian men give themselves a pass when it comes to anger. We don’t see it as a problem, but it IS A BIG PROBLEM!
“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” Matthew 5:22 (ESV)
How quick we are to escalate in our anger. Anger damages and breaks relationships so Jesus reminded us that even if we are in the middle of worship and realize we have hurt someone, we need to go be reconciled with that person, then go back and finish our act of worship. Anger damages relationships and communities and we should not justify it or wrap in a robe of self righteous prophetic speak. We need to repent of it and make amends to those who we have damaged with our rage.
Pain is a signal the body uses to tell us that something is wrong, out of kilter. Emotions often have the same function. Strong emotional reactions should signal us that something is wrong INSIDE OF US. We often justify our anger because we believe something is wrong OUT THERE, IN THE WORLD. The wrong person won an election, the judges ruled the wrong way, politicians made the wrong laws and policies, etc. My wife, my kids, my co-workers made the wrong choices… We need to STOP looking at anger as a signal that something OUT THERE IS WRONG, and start looking at it as a signal that SOMETHING IN HERE, INSIDE ME, IS WRONG. We need to ask ourselves “Why am I so f*ing angry?”
My counselor tells me that anger is a secondary emotion. Beneath anger is usually a primary emotion like FEAR. “What am I afraid of? Why does this discussion, topic threaten me?” Go beyond the “because Allan is full of sh**” answer and dare to take a look at your emotions. They are trying to tell you something, they are trying to lead you to some brokenness that needs repair.
“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” Proverbs 14:29 (ESV)
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19 (ESV)
Next time you feel your rage rising, slow down — breathe — bite your tongue — listen. Listen to not only the other person, but the dialogue that is going on inside your heart. Proverbs says that will lead to “great understanding” which is actually pretty cool.